Am I “tidy,” or do I have control issues?

It's time to go deep.

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In a Nutshell Have you ever noticed how certain people use "tidy" as a personal identifier? Like, "Hi, my name's Sally, I'm 32, I'm an editor, and I'm tidy." It's me, I'm Sally! As a Tidy Person, it's tempting to fall for the belief that being clean and organized is the "right way" to live. But as an aspiring reasonable person, I suspect this is bullsh*t. This is perhaps why the other day, when my yoga teacher encouraged us to "let life be undone," something clicked inside of me. What if my incessant need to give order to inanimate objects is actually a result of unresolved childhood trauma? *pause for uncomfortable laughs* Jokes aside, I can't stop thinking about what it would mean to walk into a room full of dog hair and dirty dishes and feel, well, nothing. Would that not ultimately bring the inner peace that I seek? But before we go there, some health stories you need: • Does the "Sleepy Girl Mocktail" actually help you snooze better? • Eating this tangy tropical fruit may boost your mental health • Why you get nighttime foot cramps and how to get relief Happy Friday! Ginger Wojcik Newsletter Editor

Written by Ginger Wojcik February 2, 2024 • 3.5 min read

what's got us buzzing Letting go of control starts with an unmade bed Each morning after I wake up, I pull my sheets tightly over my mattress and rearrange my blankets neatly back into place. When my laundry is done drying, I fold and hang everything right away so nothing sits in a pile getting wrinkled. I store all my food storage containers stacked with their lids attached so that I never have to dig through a pile of lids to find the right match. There are definitely benefits to being tidy. I usually know where my belongings are, which leads to less time wasted looking for things and less money spent buying things I already own. There aren't a bunch of random things on the floor to trip on, and when I have people over, there's plenty of room for them to sit around comfortably. For a long time, I considered it a benefit that using tidying as stress relief meant I always had a way to self-soothe. There's never not something to sweep, dust, organize, fold, etc. But increasingly, I've been experiencing a dark side to this trait — something that looks and feels quite a lot like the definition of anal retentive. Like how I can't do a minute of work until all the chores have been done or how I put off visiting people I love because their messy house gives me anxiety. In general, I feel nagging discontent whenever I'm in an unkempt space where I don't have the authority to tidy up. The truth is, tidying isn't just a thing I do to feel better. If it were, then disorganization wouldn't bother me the way it does. Tidying is a way I give — or try to give — order and predictability to my life. Which brings me back to that yoga class. One of the foundational teachings of mindfulness and meditation is that the quest to control forces outside of yourself ultimately ends in disappointment. To arrive at anything close to happiness requires acceptance of everything exactly as it is. Yes, it is true there are far more destructive things I could be doing than obsessively moving plants around my apartment. But if I think about who I want to be, I know it's not someone whose happiness depends on the bed being made. Have you ever made a realization about yourself that's shifted the choices you make? We'd love to hear about it! Send us your stories at wellnesswire@healthline.com. (Heads up, we might use your response in an upcoming newsletter.) START MEDITATING

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Thanks for reading, friends! I hope you have a wonderful weekend. We'll be back on Monday.

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