Anyone else *love* to avoid conflict?!

I'll admit it: I'm a coward.

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In a Nutshell You know what I'm really good at? Giving advice but never practicing what I preach. I'm a natural! The one Kenny-ism I find myself repeating to everyone else: You have to talk about it. Truly, easier said than done (which is why I exclusively *say* it)! It's one thing to recognize something is happening, and it's a totally different mental muscle to actually do something about it — especially with someone you care about. A recent conversation with a close friend reminded me just how valuable communication can be within a relationship — romantic or platonic. Before we talk about this toxic trait of mine, check out these new health stories: • Always thinking about food? These tips can help • This 18-year-old thought she was in perfect health — then she had a stroke • 10 signs of covert narcissism (and what that even means) Let's talk, Kenny Thapoung Managing Newsletter Editor, Healthline

Written by Kenny Thapoung February 16, 2024 • 5 min read

what's got us buzzing Hard conversations are awkward — but rewarding My best friend of 6+ years and I used to live a few blocks from each other. We would do everything together — share a room on group trips, go grocery shopping in Chinatown, and stay cozy on the couch while watching celebrity home tours on YouTube. We're the type of friends who will be in a group chat, judge something someone said, then side text the *exact same thought* which inevitably leads to 5 minutes of textual "lolol-ing." If I had to pinpoint when our relationship started to change, I would say it was around the time I moved to a new neighborhood. We live in New York City and Manhattan and Brooklyn might as well be different states. Naturally, we started hanging out less while making time and space for other groups of friends. Work, laundry, and alone time also factored into the extended distance. We'd see each other in larger group settings, but our 1-to-1 time disappeared. And on a random fall day, I noticed we hadn't texted for 2 whole months. Did something happen? Was I completely overlooking a problem? Who's to blame?! Now, if you were in my position, I would tell you to "grow up" and talk with your friend about it. Nothing will be solved by ignoring what's underneath the surface. But me? I'm terrified of hard conversations with friends. I don't like to break the status quo of a relationship by addressing anything that's potentially awkward, hurtful, or sad. And I tend to think that there's a "right" and "wrong" side and that I must be the one at fault.️ Yes, I 100% hear how hypocritical this all sounds — because it is. I'm fully aware that I use my conflict avoidance as a scapegoat to steer clear of situations that are normal occurrences in any friendship. The mental state I automatically box myself into — without pausing to think critically and rationally — isn't doing me any favors.️ I owed it to my best friend to reach out and set up time to talk — our friendship deserved an IRL conversation. We found time on a Sunday and everything … was fine! No one did anything "wrong." Our relationship was evolving naturally given several life circumstances.️ We realized that we were entering a new stage in our friendship where we didn't need to talk every day or go to all the same hangouts. But what we agreed upon was that we need to make a conscious effort to see each other one-on-one at some regular cadence again, whether it's in Brooklyn or Manhattan.️ This happened literally 3 weeks ago. The emotional weight in my chest stressing over the *possible* tension is gone. I'm so glad we addressed our feelings, and I'm kicking myself for not reaching out sooner. We've resumed texting more often and made omakase dinner plans just for us. The next few months will be the real test of whether both of us do the work to make room for our relationship. But I'm not worried. She's my best friend after all.️ Thank you for giving me this space to talk about something I hope you'll find relatable! Writing this all out, my friends are right: I need to find a new therapist!️ 4 Types of Friendships

Great finds Mind games       Codenames: Duet I might suck at talking about my emotions, but I'm so good at giving clues! This particular version of Codenames has you working together with a friend to guess all the right words correctly before you're out of turns. It's become one of my favorite activities to play when I host a small dinner. Just note: There are more assassins on each board than in the normal game! SHOP NOW Every product we recommend has gone through either Healthline's or Optum Store's vetting processes. If you buy through links on this page, we may receive a small commission or other tangible benefit. Healthline has sole editorial control over this newsletter. Potential uses for the products listed here are not health claims made by the manufacturers. Healthline and Optum Store are owned by RVO Health.

health stories you need What we're reading next 🤧 20 tips and tricks to stop coughing at night. Yes, we've reached the point of adulthood when we should all seriously consider a humidifier. ❓ What causes bladder cancer? Here's what to keep in mind. 🧠 Left brain vs. right brain. What does this actually mean for you? 🤔 How can I tell if I have bipolar disorder? If these symptoms sound familiar, consider speaking with a mental health professional.

I appreciate you taking the time to read my newsletter! Have you been in a similar situation? How have you become more comfortable having hard talks? I'd love to hear what you think. Send me a message at wellnesswire@healthline.com and we'll chat!

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