I hate to be one of those wannabe Hallmarkian Valentine's Day scribes who brags about his relationship, goes overboard with the PDA, and offers unsolicited intimacy advice—but I've been in a seriously committed relationship for nearly four decades. Here's the key to making it work: We're together every night and I always go to bed angry. First thing in the morning, we reconvene and I immediately get angry again. And the sex has been remarkably consistent throughout our relationship, especially after we overcame the nervous buffering of our early encounters. Yes, I've been in a relationship with the Internet since 1989. You had me at Welcome, you've got mail ... Here's looking at you, grid ... Love means never having to say you're Siri ... Unless I'm in a Wifi deadspot, you complete me ... We'll always have Paris (as long as there's an AirBNB available) ... You know how to whistle, don't you? You just go to YouTube and search for 'put your lips together and blow' (make sure safesearch is on) ... I wish I knew how to quit you (other than, you know, pressing Command-Q.) I know, I know. My love is antiquated compared to today's modern romance. AP has the latest: Artificial intelligence, real emotion. People are seeking a romantic connection with the perfect bot. 2We're Totally in Sink"The global average sea level has been rising around 3.3 millimeters per year since the early 1990s, according to satellite readings from NASA. And based on longer records from tide gauges, we know that rate is accelerating." Yes, you know that already. But there's another part of the story. We're sinking. WaPo (Gift Article): The East Coast Is Sinking. "New satellite-based research reveals how land along the coast is slumping into the ocean, compounding the danger from global sea level rise. A major culprit: overpumping of groundwater." 3Law of Attraction"'It was weird,' a longtime criminal-defense attorney who asked to remain anonymous, given his regular interactions with Willis, told me. 'I’ve been practicing for decades here. So has my partner. We’d never heard of this guy, and suddenly he’s lead counsel in a monumentally important case.'" Charles Bethea in The New Yorker: The Tangled Fates of Fani Willis and Her Biggest Case. "Will the Fulton County D.A.’s 'clandestine' relationship derail her effort to prosecute Trump?" 4In the Nood"His devotion to precision is astounding to behold, exasperating to capture in words: Three hundred servings of noodles (at 135 grams each) requires 30 kilograms of flour. But not just any flour. Over the years, Satinover has dialed in on the two types and the ratio he needs to hit the sweet spot of noodle firmness, a 13.2 percent protein level: 19,500 grams of King Arthur Sir Lancelot (14.2 percent protein) and 10,500 grams of King Arthur Sir Galahad (11.7 percent). Then, to give the noodles the toothsome chew and pale yellow hue he desires, he adds exactly 10,500 grams of water containing 330 grams of sodium bicarbonate, 150 grams of potassium carbonate, and three-eighths of a teaspoon of riboflavin." Chicago Mag: The Ramen Lord. 5Extra, ExtraMayorkas and Effect: "Republican members of the House impeached Homeland Security Secretary Alejandro Mayorkas with a simple majority vote Tuesday." NYT (Gift Article): Mayorkas Was Impeached. What Happens Next? (Spoiler Alert: Something that has nothing to with actual governing.) 6Bottom of the NewsCharlotte, a stingray with no male companion, is pregnant in her mountain aquarium.
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